Gavin Rossdale said it best when he said “I’m never alone. I’m alone all the time.” I have co-workers, and I talk to them throughout the day, but most of us work from home (myself included), so conversations take place on zoom or microsoft teams. My sister and I live together, but she goes to bed about an hour after I get off work. So I am pretty much alone 23 hours a day, 5 days a week. We do spend some time together on the weekends, but she doesn’t like to get out of the house, and I don’t enjoy being cooped up in the house. We are still on opposite schedules on the weekends- she is up hours before I am and goes to bed hours before I do. On weekend days, one of the other of us (usually me) decides to nap, so that cuts down on the time we spend together.
Most of my friends are married with kids, or at least have kids, so it’s rare that anyone is free to do anything in the evening. I dread the evenings, and yet still manage to look forward to them because work is over and I have free time. But then the free time gets here and I spend most of it sitting in my bedroom waiting for it to be late enough to go to bed. Usually by 6 or 630, I deem it late enough to lay in bed and play on my phone for awhile before trying to go to sleep. On the weekends, I sometimes have a social life, but it comes back down to everyone else having husbands, kids, other friends to get to and I am back at square one- climbing into bed early and just waiting to go to sleep so I can do it all over again tomorrow.
I need… something. I need to find contentment in the loneliness. I need to realize that God’s company is enough. I need to find that happiness that I decided 2024 was going to be full of.
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